When the Edge Is Near: An Outline of a Psychotic Episode

That’s the way it really is.

NIKOtheOrb

It is so easy it seems for my mind to be wrecked, thereby, wrecking perhaps an entire day, or an indeterminate number of hours of long, prolonged moments trying to piece my mind together. And people (the egos of Society) always say I am gaming or manipulating or faking or stupid or some other such nonsense to explain away the means in which my mind attempts to recover from its shattered state.

I would rather not have this happen; I would rather not be affected at any moment, like being stalked by a monster wearing your own face. Like being stalked by your best friend, whom only a second ago was still your best friend and not the lumbering, snarling, shrieking, screeching ogre stalking you. Knowing where all your favorite hiding spots are; using every secret shared; every years-discovered nuance; every shift, pitch and frequency of your voice; knowing with…

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2 thoughts on “When the Edge Is Near: An Outline of a Psychotic Episode

  1. But there are foreshadowings, for me, and it was just impossible to keep from going over the edge before. I was in rage, singaling to myslef that these situations were unacceptable. Resistence to accepting that you are a creator and you have failed, that you’ve chosen something you no longer desire. You’ve gotten in too deep too fast. I am going to get my big girl panties. I am going to be responsible. blah blah blah Going off the cliff serves no purpose. No cliff. No summit. The floor shatters beneath your feet and there you are again, no matter what. Thanks for sharing. Gotta run.

    • Well, yes, there are foreshadowings (often called triggers), but with something like SchizoAffective, one is affected by one’s environment, greatly; and often to one’s detriment. Self-talk would not be of any help in these moments; however, the analogy of the cliff is when one has already become overwhelmed by a plethora of triggers. “Going off the cliff” is not a solution in a psychotic episode, it becomes the only way to stop being affected so greatly. That is why it is referred to as an “accidental decision”, like an impulse. The loop is continuous, yes, and often seamless.

      Thank you for the comment.

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