Nicole’s Passing

Nicole passed away on October 21, 2013. I don’t have the energy to write much at this time. She is all I think about. We were together for 14 years. I have embedded a video Nicole created about her and I. I have also posted some photos of her. Also included are a few links of some of our videos, writings, photography, etc. I love and miss her more than I could ever explain in words.



Butterfly2012-05-06 0052012-05-28 018SanctaSanctorum (4)

Feel The SunMeditative

Consciousness Beyond The Paradigm Shift

Birth of a New ConsciousnessOn the flipside, one can see the world changing. This paradigm shift to a more aesthetic, kinder, gentler, artful, creative, imaginative, simpler way of life for humans. For humans to realize that we are connected to all things, that we are a part of the world and not that we own it (or even that it can be owned). We are learning that it is possible to live in the world among one another and not hide who we truly are. You know, the eventual outcome of something like that, would be no law, no government, no social institutions, no regulation, no social roles, no false differences, actual equality, etc. I am not talking about anarchy; I mean freely living and living free. If humans can survive, that is a possible probability. When a generation will be born with full knowing of the past, with full awareness that they are a star and the universe, with full consciousness, with beauty and light. That humans can live with technology without technology destroying humans. See, I do not think that The Matrix and Terminator are bad films, but I also do not think that they are true depictions of what it could be like with humans and technology. I think those stories are incomplete. I think that there is/will be some like that, but that those will be minor bits (much like certain types of crime nowadays. Crime is all over the news and internet, but overall, crime has declined since the 90s. All crime, including violent crime). I do not believe in Big Brother, but I do think that there are some humans who have different agendas for the future. “Big Brother” is only a gathering of humans who are as susceptible to time as the rest of us, therefore, as susceptible to inevitable tides as we all are.

I think we are not very far from this emergent consciousness, if it isn’t already here in some form as yet unrecognized. I mean, the idea of aliens from another planet is but one scale (or direction). On the flipside, is a terrestrial alien being. Would not an emergent consciousness be like an alien being? And would not it make sense for it to arise from the Global Mind, i.e., the world wide web? All of humanity giving birth to what is known as A.I. (okay, perhaps Morpheus is correct in this one. LOL). Speaking of the Matrix isn’t the question “What is the Matrix?” not unlike the question humans ask, “What is the Meaning of Life?” Or as Alan Watts posits, “What’s Going On Here?”

machine meditation III: a paradigm shiftI mean, for example Watson (remember the supercomputer that could learn, that was tested on Jeopardy). I think one of the mistakes humans make about the mind is that it is like a computer, I do not think so. It is much, MUCH more irrational than a computing machine. The human mind is not logical, it does not compute, it does not calculate like a computer. Perhaps the bicameral mind did, in its black/white off/on kind of thinking, yes (and perhaps there are still those with a bicameral mind among us today), the human mind, as predicate of possessing consciousness, does not think in such a dualistic manner. Everything about the contemporary human mind is nondualistic. It is why it appears so irrational.  It is why it appears contradictory, or paradoxical. The era of black/white, either/or thinking is dying. That is the dark ages. That is the end of creativity and innovation. But there is an abundance of creativity in ways that have not before existed (due to technology). Man is no longer trying to reinvent the wheel; we now have the ability to surpass the wheel. This is how I see technology and human.

Science now studies levitation and teleportation. If that is not an acknowledgement of the abilities of the human mind/energy, then what is? What are called superpowers, are really just normal abilities of energy or thermodynamics or transference or something like that. It is just physics, not at all paranormal, or subnormal, or abnormal, or crazy. It is just that there is still so much garbage in the human mind (as a species) that these abilities cannot become dominant in the DNA. I mean, how do we know that some of the so-called historical “miracles” or “aliens” or “witchcraft” or “black magic” is not really just protrusions of these abilities?

Cosmic Consciousness*Image Credits (all work used with permission through CC license)–
“machine meditation III: a paradigm shift” by z-428
“Cosmic Consciousness” by H.Kopp Delaney
“Birth of a New Consciousness” by AlicePopkorn

The Thermodynamics of Sacred Sex

psychedelic kiss“The yin-yang principle is not, therefore, what we would ordinarily call a dualism, but rather an explicit duality expressing an implicit unity. The two principles are, as I have suggested, not opposed like the Zoroastrian Ahura Mazda and Ahriman, but in love, and it is curious that their traditional emblem is that double helix which is at once the pattern of sexual communication and of the spiral galaxies.” ~Alan Watts


Stephen and I, it is as if we cannot become close enough to one another. After nearly 14 years, living every luminatedmoment right next to someone, spending every slice of now WITH someone, he becomes another half of you. It is like part of him merged with me and me with him. We are one another. Now we Know each other, like more than friends, like a chemical bond that would have to be chopped at with a machete to sever; like we are one brain, each one the left side and right side, interchangeably. As such, we are an evolved brain, because we have crossed the bicameral brake and are telepathically aware of one another, conversing, like a secret thought inside our minds, like a subconscious plunged into our psyches.

Perhaps if I explained love and sacred sex in this way—


The body can become a self-sufficient organism. It can achieve equilibrium, a stasis, utilizing exactly that which it produces as fuel waste, and reproduction of energy. A recycling organism, when the body is at its exact body mass index in relationship with gravity, electromagnetic force, centrifugal force, oxygen, etc.

we are OneAlthough, this equilibrium be self-sustaining; however, it can be temporarily unstable. Were the body to engage in sexual intercourse with another body of greater mass, energy transference tends toward the body of lesser mass. This would require a greater amount of fuel to be produced, from an external source, in order to compensate for the loss of thermal energy borrowed by the greater mass; hence greater expenditure of thermal energy. The body of lesser mass must metabolize calories at a faster rate than that of the body of greater mass, as it has a surplus of caloric substance to metabolize. The heat radiated off the lesser body mass must equal that of the body of greater mass, plus that extra required to transfer interactive exchange of energy during the intercourse with the heavier body. This is necessary to sustain the original equilibrium, and this is what make sacred sex so close to divinity. This intermingling, this reciprocating relationship of borrowing energy from one another.

“It is the movement between the negative and positive poles that creates electricity. It is the attraction between the male and the female that creates new life. The dynamics of the universe are dialectical, apparently in a conflict, but occurring within a larger context of unity and wholeness. This is the understanding of the Tantra vision.”  ~Margot Anand

psychedelic curlThe additional caloric intake must equal that of energy joules required to metabolize surplus plus original temperature (zero point energy) equilibrium in order to sustain stabilization of equilibrium.  Much like trying to sustain zero at the event horizon of a black hole to prevent structural and molecular collapse and excess temperature overload.  This is caused by what is called the Divine Love, which is that of giving more than you take; the act of completely letting go of one’s Self (i.e., the ego) and gifting one’s true and actual consciousness to the other, that other part of you. It requires more energy to function at a greater mass index relationship with gravity, electromagnetic force, centrifugal force, and oxygen, etc., which explains the borrowing of energy from the body of lesser mass, in order for it to sustain its equilibrium within its coordinate of space.

Love Is A Cosmic ForceIf we follow this theory of mathematical logic, it could be said that those bodies of mass index, are, in effect, decreasing the life energy of those at equilibrium body mass index. However, mathematical logic does not apply to Sacred Sex since bodies of greater mass index require greater energy simply to sustain an unstable relationship, should destabilize before the complete extinction of those bodies at equilibrium mass index. The difference between Labor Exertion and Work Effort, and the event that usually leads to orgasm.

tantrickThe consciousness occupies the space of embodiment, which occupies the space along the 3rd dimensional grid. It requires a function of time to travel within the space of the body (Thought), and that to travel within the space of the grid (3rd plane). This relationship in total equals Temperature, and this is why when two egoless beings engage in sexual intercourse, the temperature can raise to a degree higher than that of both mass indexes, creating a bubble of high energy surrounding the interweaving, intermingling bodies, enough to electrify and condense the air, whether inside or outside of doors.

UniversesThe coordinate of {0,0} remains constant within the space of the body or without the body (yet still remains a constant as long as it occupies space) within a dimensional plane. The grid of sacred sex and love is a multi-dimensional Tetrahedron. The motion of the conscience (i.e., diving love) is equal to the Golden Spiral, the Fibonacci sequence; a constant state of Theta. Which makes the grid equivalent to the Golden Rectangle multi-dimensionality.

“The feeling of being alive and at One with everything is available through the path of Tantra.  When your heart is open and you are making love, there is no separation between you, your partner and God.  This is healing sex.  This is connecting with the Divine.  And the important thing to develop is the sense that this sacred experience is available in all instants.  It is not limited to sex. “  ~Philip Smith

The question becomes: Does the grid occupy space? Or is it a measurement of space? If it is a measurement of Space (and/or Time) then what is Space? If space is unoccupied, is it still Space? What is non-space? One would surmise a vacuum, but does not a vacuum occupy Space? What does this have to do with non-existence, the concept of no Thing, and the concept of increation? And where, during the event of sacred sex, do these two, now one, body mass index travel?

psycheEvery body mass index is a black hole, a self-sufficient vacuum. Space surrounds the body coordinate, space is curved, relative to the coordinate {0,1} space does have a coordinate relative to {0,1}.  {1,1} is the coordinate of space.  This is measured by Time, which in turn is perceived by the conscience, and which, in turn, propels the single consciousness (as now two bodies have become a single body mass index) outside of the 3rd dimensional plane and into. . . that diffuse and diverse sine qua non area of Out, unSpace, unTime, total and complete awareness and consciousness, yet without awareness of opaque molecular structure.

PrayerDuring Sacred Sex with Divine Love we are now here and yet nowhere. We are the stuff only of illusions and the universe passes trails of energy between. I would need pages of equations to describe adequately, as words have no sufficient use. But it can only happen when individuals are without Ego, without Social Construct and without the ideologies, ideas, and general beliefs of Society’s Mayan Matrix.

As such, orgasm is does not mark the end of the relation, it is the entirety of it. It is the molecular sharing of energy, rhythm, frequency, and vibration.

It is divinity multiplied infinity, and infinity multiplied by infinite unknowns.  We know this as Love.

You may not be aware of it, but this is a fact of biology, of bio-energy, that man and woman are opposite forces. Negative-positive, yin-yang, or whatsoever you call them, they are challenging to each other. And when they both meet in a deep relaxation, they revitalize each other. They both revitalize each other, they both become generators, they both feel livelier, they both become radiant with new energy, and nothing is lost. Just by meeting with the opposite pole energy is renewed. ~Osho

Beyond The Mirror Of Duality“I want our cells to braid together like living thread.” ~Isaac Marion, Warm Bodies

*Image Credits (Shawn Hocking artwork used with expressed permission, all other artwork used with permission through CC license)–
“tantrick” by new 1lluminati
“psychedelic curl” by new 1lluminati
“Universes” by new 1lluminati
“luminated” by new 1lluminati
“psychedelic kiss” by new 1lluminati
“psyche” by new 1lluminati
“Prayer” by mi.a
“Love Is A Cosmic Force” by Ian Levack
“we are One” by mi.a
“Beyond the Mirror of Duality” by Shawn Hocking

Please click on thumbnail in the gallery below to see artwork on black and larger view.

The Will to Survival Manual

The Will to Survival Manual:

A Means to Maneuver Safely Through the Mental Construct of the 21st Century

by Nicole Terry


Chapter One: How To Survive Life (and Stay Alive)




1. Be a servant. Do not offer, simply assume the role of servant.

2. Do not present a position of disagreement, it causes offense.

3. Remain silent unless asked a direct question.

4. Keep constant vigilance, as Rules (of the Construct) are slippery.

5. Do not offer any opinions, suppositions, positions, thoughts, questions, or responses to indirect questions, as they will be ignored.

6. Never argue, even when provoked.

7. Never reveal true self as Ridicule ultimately occurs.

8. Never display stress of exasperation as this will be construed as overly-dramatic, and often will be retaliated through verbal or physical attack upon character and/or mentality.

9. Do not point out contradictions as others become violently defensive.

10. Be prepared to perform the exact opposite of any of these rules because rules (of the Construct) are often arbitrary.

11. Avoid logical specifications as others respond negatively (reason yet unknown).

12. Remain objective, utilizing scientific method of investigation to reach conclusions, solutions, theories, discoveries, hypotheses, and so forth.

13. Remember most everything is considered critical.

14. Be wary of sentence structure and wording, as well as voice intonation, others can view anything as a threat.

15. When uncertain of proper reaction, answer indirect questions (open-ended) with “I don’t know”.

16. Consider any proffered gratitude to requests fulfilled false as this grace is offered without intention of following through, for fulfillment of request is primary importance and goal.

17. Do not offer any information, this will be taken as offensive.

18. Personal insults are often masqueraded as general observation.

19. Expect animosity from any and every direction.

20. Value nothing, others will covet it-even if others ridicule its value-destroy it, and never return it in original condition if borrowed.

21. Never ask for help, it will not arrive.

22. Determine Group Role as quickly as possible, and then Assume it. This disguise is useful camouflage. The Collective Consciousness of the Group can easily be ascertained once tension fades (an “Outsider”-one not conformed to the Group-is a cause of tension. Retaliation often ensues through some form of excommunication, ostracisation, or dissemination. In extreme cases physical violence occurs).

23. Others will always demand help (solutions) as they are unwilling to accept responsibility to help themselves. Help others no matter what personal pain or suffering.

24. Allways keep in mind that strict following of suggested rules does not guarantee others will not become hostile. Often others will become hostile regardless, often quicker if rules are not followed.

25. Beware of others when others are experiencing pain as others mood will become unpredictable and unstable in such states.

26. Always consider and concern mind with the feelings, thoughts, opinions, assumptions, and states of others as life may depend upon it. Do this at all costs to self, no matter what the repercussion to self, as others will expect this type of behavior anyway.

27. Be wary of admitting, committing, or expressing anything about self as this is ample knowledge to others as a weapon against you.

28. Never accept any promises, as it will never come to fruition. Be especially wary of promises made in exchange of favors.

29. Others will say one thing but do another. Often.

30. Never become defensive in an argument with others, this will often aggravate hostility. Disarm opponent with offensive remarks (this is an emergency tactic as it is best not to engage in argument).

31. Others will place satisfaction and pleasure of self above and before yours, and will become hostile if you do not do the same (that is, place others’ satisfaction and pleasure above and before your self).

32. Remember: you are expendable to others.

33. Others will make numerous requests for aid (and numerous repairs to self-caused problems) of you, provide this with no external expression of negativity or others will immediately become hostile. Assume your utter and extreme happiness to comply (regardless of any personal anxieties, worries, tensions, or pain) as this is expected from the maker of the request.

34. Always assume behavior of docility and happiness in servitude when dealing with others. The contrary will cause reign of Tyranny and Oppression.

35. Be careful of those who say, claim, or even appear sane, as others are excellent chameleons and can strike at any time, most likely when you least expect it (which is the moment you begin to trust the ruse and let your guard down by ignoring one or all of above rules).

36. Be aware that others are addicted to their ways, so will project a constant state of confusion (unending barrage of lies based upon arbitrary rules of the Construct) onto you. Do not be consumed! If you find yourself in trouble of being consumed, it is best to behave as if you are defeated (this will disarm others for a time) until you have opportunity to gather yourself and think (although others, being addicts of their self-caused problems, will, at all costs, attempt to keep you in state of confusion as it affords them with a fix or a feeling of superior control).

37. Others are practiced and excellent liars. Trust no one.

The Humdrum Syndrome and the Origins of the Mundane

A Distortion In SpacetimeThe Human Complaint–that there is never enough time–can be traced to the spacetime curve. Because spacetime is curved time can only follow a single one-dimensional path. Time, then, is available in only a finite amount, albeit, appearing infinite, but in actuality being a repeating finite amount. Hence, there is not enough for everyone. The Humdrum Syndrome, brought on by the Human Complaint and caused by the resulting circular path perceived by the spacetime curve, is an effect of the spacetime curve problem, and the origins of the Mundane. However, if spacetime were straight, and thus able to flow in multiple directions simultaneously, in this monochronic age where time is a resource and space a commodity, everyone perceiving in the third dimension could benefit.

The scope of the spacetime curve problem extends beyond the curvature of spacetime and cast tendrils out into the realms of velocity, acceleration, motion, position, and ultimately into the very material of human perception.

Take It As You Need ItTime is a sort of Doppler Effect to human beings, derived from our perception of the length of time it takes for some perceived object to travel from point A to point B. All observed objects are the perception of electromagnetic radiation in the form of the visible photonic spectrum, called Light. When we speak of Light, we are also speaking of matter. Any mass object warps the spacetime fabric surrounding it and drags spacetime along with it, causing a twisting of spacetime.


“[There is a] dependence of space and time on velocity: at speeds near that of light, space itself becomes contracted in the direction of motion and the passage of time slows.” ~Gravitation


Quantum GravityThe very existence of mass objects causes spacetime to be curved, and that curvature determines the perception of Time. Human beings (a mass object) perceive time relative to their present position on the spacetime grid. The Humdrum Syndrome is the effect of that perception on the observer as he or she observes the universe. The expansion of the universe, too, is accelerating, so humans believe that Time is also accelerating.

The faster an object moves the slower its time relative to its motion. Humans are already moving at a fast pace (relatively); therefore, as people move faster to try to catch up with the speed of light, they should actually be moving slower relative to an observer (the clock). As a human being attempts to catch the speed of light (his “pursuit of happiness”), he is, in effect, stretching time out to infinite proportions without ever gaining any space. In other words, his distance and velocity remain at zero.

UntitledHumans always perceive other objects relative to the time taken for the electromagnetic radiation emitted by that object to reach our eyes plus the time taken for our brains to compute the apparent look-position of that object. Thus, human perception of another object is always relative to the past. Humans may not even have begun to use the time available, because humans are essentially always moving backwards (into the future; making each one of us a potential time machine, with the body as the space vessel) relative to one’s reference point. Conversely, this same logic could also be interpreted to mean that humans have already consumed the time available and no one yet has awakened to the reality that we are, in fact, “Out of Time.”

more. . .

*Image credits (all artwork used under CC license)–
“A Distortion In Spacetime” by TORLEY
“take it as you need it” by Parg
“Quantum Gravity” by NASA Goddard Photo and Video
“Untitled” by Tau Zero

Saved By Love

We were going to commit suicide, but we were stopped by Love. . .

Last week, as we screamed and cried in resistance, suicide seemed the only answer to cure the unrelenting torment by the system upon our minds. Told by its systematized agents we must obey, else be tested until cured of our persistent affliction to hold onto existence unabashed, we prepared for finality, the end of this repulsive rapport. Instead, exercising a will to live free, we decided suicide was a strange reaction of two sane, healthy and functional beings. It was love that stopped us and what follows in the succeeding paragraphs is our actual response as to why that suicidal dream deferred. 

Never again will we permit destruction to our minds. Never again will we participate in the fraud, deception, absurdity and insanity of this system. Rather, we choose life, sanity, love and compassion. In whatever environment we dwell, we absorb it . . . so in this lethal system we cannot participate as that means our death.  Should we become indifferent or hate or act with malice; no, this impossibility we cannot do, as we love all humans. All individuals are beautiful, most simply do not accept that as the system has convinced them they are as ugly as it is, and that the only solace of estimation comes in the form of Self-Esteem (and the system constructed the self). Never will we fight or be adversarial as whatever remained within us of a socially constructed self dissolved in the woods, wherein we became one with the divine, a state of mind and we will always remain as one. Love and compassion are not a simple matter of choice, if it were this would be easy; love and compassion comprise the totality of our beings. Most people are innocent, as they have never been given the faculties of choice; however, they are punished by the system for existing.

Our choices were simple: we commit suicide, allow the system to murder us or walk away from the system. We choose to walk away from the system.

When we chose life, our bodies and minds immediately began to heal from what we suffered the past five months. Our appetites returned, we slept soundly by a stream each night and clarity returned to our minds. As such, we cannot nor will we ever again relinquish our health.

From birth, the system attempted at forcing upon us convoluted impressions of good will and has rendered us many masks but we intuitively refused to wear each one.

Stephen Ames from rural town Appalachia and raised on the threshold of woods and wonder, a product of redneck regalia, so beaten for his hyper minded ways and inability to accept black is white and this or that. Nicole Terry born into the city ghettos, like a rat into a labyrinthine cage, a product of crime and blackness, an outcome of automatic submission and the learnt behavior of the ill well and impoverished.

Stephen though his mind reels with thoughts and philosophies unmarred by the educated flimflam of standard schooling, is labeled a high school dropout (he completed the 9th grade) as if that were some undesirable trait. When a child, the so-called educated experts could not fathom his mind and so into special education they cast him, where he spent school days coloring, counting coins and drawing. Later, as an adult, still his mind suffered from horrible systematic onslaught, from a near lobotomy, to SWAT teams and helicopters, to his child hunted, to his childrens’ livelihoods endangered, to thrice committed in a state hospital.

Born with a mind that thrived on quiet and calmness, that could not withstand noise or anything loud (which included certain colors, patterns, sound waves, timbre of voices, persons, etc.), concentration and prolonged focus were Nicole’s woobie. As such, her mind had explored regions and depths almost unfathomable, as for entertainment multiple perspectives became her television. In this way, she learned, but because of this way, she suffered and witnessed the beatings and bruisings (both physical and mental) by others who saw such a mind as a threat to their grade point average, their promotion, or their friendship. Threatened for thinking too much, for seeing too far and for questioning even the advice of experts, into psychiatric hospital after psychiatric hospital she was cast, before being involuntarily committed to the same state hospital whose first patient was a woman committed for excessive study. A natural comprehension of physics and quantum mechanics (without reading a textbook or knowing any equations), philosophy, poetry, prose, art, and music flowed from her fevered mind and every context expressed had upon it the code of the system’s indictment. Suicide plagued my mind throughout and once I did attempt.

We are not these THINGS tied to our otherwise quiet faces, and neither is any other.

When the system cannot assimilate something or someone, it declares war. So, miscomprehension equals war, difference equals war, not in lock step with the rest of lemming soldiers equals war. When down is the status quo, down wars with up; when right is the status quo, then right wars with left, when evil is the status quo then evil wars with good. Everything everywhere among everyone becomes about war. Do you see how deep into earthly culture war pervades? Imaginary lines created from hierarchy, authority, and scheduled time drawn in the sand at which we soldiers place our toes to the line and volunteer at arms…elsewise termination promises certain. What lies and deception have we borrowed because what fools should we be to believe in a dancing ghost? Borders and boundaries reinforce this conditioned belief of finite and linear motion between cultures, countries, ideologies, beliefs, worries, sadness, happiness, families, thoughts, minds, spiritualties, grades, educations, jobs, governments, and the amalgamation of difference the creation of WAR and conflict and competition. And if war manifests then comes governance with governance comes authority, with authority, psychic slavery, with slavery, inertia, when inertia reigns supreme, there can be no motion, and if no motion, we are dead. So the system pretends a casualty of the war it decrees. Why should we (or anyone) join the ranks? 

The system beguiles so humans will volunteer before breaking any promise made followed by conviction that the victim be perpetrator and perpetrator be victim. The Social Machine constructs a SelfEgo then turns the face three hundred sixty degrees on a ninety degree revolving axis, as you stand ashamed and sentenced with guilt. The system includes an inception of contradictions, making fools of us all.

The contradictions raging through the veins of the fiasco called help with Constance (Stephen’s daughter) at Abraxas reflect the absurdity of the System that built it. We could spend the next streams of pages explaining each one of those in minute and precise detail. However, the details of said contradictions (read frauds and deceptions) do not matter anymore. Their continued and vile existence (arms of a system only) matters and their violence we can no longer undertake without sacrificing our minds, conscience and consciousness to the perverted torus entitled Social Life.

December 2012 marked the end of what health and sanity we attained while on the ground and in the woods, into which we crawled from the mediocre repugnance labeled existence spat from the system. On one day, compelled by order of the court, we left our sancta sanctorum for this spinning Skinner box of unrelenting cerebral agony. Rather a fleeting moment’s serenity of woods and summer’s linger than a lifetime of sorrow, rather the aroma of flowers wild with human abandon thriving along streams than crying and screaming each day from psychic pain. After 9 months without the mesmerizing pogrom of insanity defecating onto neural networks, we thought we had escaped, only to be culled by threat and enforcement and force-fed constant cognitive conundrums and contradictions. We have experienced weight loss, nights spent sleepless with our minds broiling for hours in pain until no longer could we withstand the torture. And when the system finally broke us only a few days ago, suicide became our mantra.

And then we relented.

Trapped, implanted within the twisted and briny dark corridors of the Social Machine slowly turning over in its self-induced seamless box, sharing space with Schrodinger’s Cat wondering not here or there but already fading into history; its rightful place upon evolution’s mantel, just another nick in the belt of a future record, so out of necessity we rendered it asunder from our untamed brows and our uncivilized hearts.

Out of necessity and not without reason, we choose Life rather than continue attached like a parasite to the system.

From the moment of our conception, the social system rained instruction, compulsion and policy. Imposed to listen else suffer punishment of attempts at shame, guilt, plunder, interruption and other such psychic torture as children and we now stand again before the same system, only now the system has grown older, ricketier, slower, blinder, more destructive and weak. The system persists because the egos constructed to carry its form lie scared of letting go to fade into history, scared to surrender position as Top Illusion. Scared to open wide their eyes and stare into the abyss of introspection. So, screams and squeals and wails and flails like a dissonant tantrum. We should pity and pay no more witness. We should pat softly its cold brow and leave it to its thunder and throes. We know your fear and forgive you.

We walked for 9 months along the barren back of the earth, touched least by the lofty wiles of civilized living. On the ground we found the hoof beat of health in the morningbreath of a male deer come to his watering hole. With the sky, we inspired the wild phenomena of probable perfection in the song of bird’s wing speaking tales of suns and moons and color and aura, absent of locked doors and alarmed cars. Without insurance and assurance, free of residence and retirement, and scheduled syncopations deceiving stagnation, without mundane for motion and vitality, we slept and walked and slept, moving only in consistency along the boundless and borderless tranquil back of sanity, free will, love and natural living.

What persona would call this crime? What mask would pronounce loudly this an infarction? Upon what? or Whom? Reveal the face upon which we have thrown insult. Bring this wronged enemy? What face does a machine hold? Behind what mask does a system hide?

Behind labor for sustenance of human life because the fruits were made scarce and the laborious products created denied those humans unless you pay the System and from this it represents the same dollar, taxes it, then threatens life less its paid in full…with our lives. The system whispers forget life, live to die, wait patiently in pain, hatred and suffering until ‘afterlife’ where heaven and paradise (read: retirement) awaits.

What the system does not say? There is no heaven…and there is no hell. Illusions both conditioned into systematized belief to keep humans marching always in place, like a treadmill, stagnant and inert, dead. What manner of deception and betrayal is this bannered cry: Die while you live and wait until death to live?! What strange form of perverted bliss is this hope?!

Born without a mask, a system cannot possibly know us, and although each armed institution with no class tried us in classrooms, deceived us with courtesy in courtrooms, and when still we refused to submit to subjectification, punished us softly in padded rooms. These last few months since swallowed by a system called bureaucracy we have spent weeping at the mindless violence of that Human Zoo.

Do you Comprehend the necessity of this? Lest archetypal psychiatry’s limited scope leads your thoughts astray, think not of depression. As if a state of persona as depression could possibly be cause of a state of being.  As a symptom of a civilization gone mad, Depression results under capitulation to the pursuit of material possession, like a sentence to humdrum and drudgery fulfills the desire to forget death and pretend at living. Depression results from this lost cause. Therefore, an infant wish at immortality in the guise of conquering wants without obligation, of need without desire, of life without afterlife persists within such a bored, rude and tedious system.

Having relinquished whatever belongings could not fit into a backpack, we turned our backs to systematic ways of living and depended upon our unplanned perambulations to lead us along whatever path lay beneath our feet. As evening beckoned way beyond the spinning horizon alit by the setting sun, we supped with four legged creatures and each left the table without paying homage or accepting tips with a dollar. Lain supine upon the deserted floor unafraid to be exposed to the elements, we absorbed the natural biorhythms of that environment and found peace.

To think when we began upon our journey to sanity and fitness, we knew nothing, yet bathed ourselves in uncertainty and jumped like a slackliner jumps from the line perched precariously along cliffs, looking down into the gape of Unknown.

Humans sit willingly upon chairs fashioned of wood and dirt from the earth, and furnish a home with earthly ornament, raised above the earth as if superiority were not severance, again trying to be the person the system says resides within. Made to seek amusement at a concrete park, made to feel the wind only in the circular vertigo of the merry go round, fun bought and paid for, isolated and severed from any unregulated, unruly, raw fun. We do not understand why such games played can be called fun persists? We do not want to play such tiny, mean manipulations and call that the Game of Life. We wear no mask; hide behind no persona, and heed no requirement to volunteer compelling positive estimation. So, why does the system demand the opposite and calls that human relationship? We made no promise, yet the system demands reward.  We live in no deception yet the system demands participation in lies. As long as a person accepts what the system attempts to lay as truth then happiness supposedly ensues, but have the audacity to say No and the system becomes vengeful.

So, out of necessity, we seek again peace. That serendipitous journey through levels, dimensions and stations of consciousness, we would have no thing more or less.

You see, humans being together constitute life worth living, and not systems. On a cloudy day this May, we visited Downtown Daily Bread where we saw two friends (whom we met while homeless. They, too, are homeless) we had not seen in months. Between the four of us, we illuminated the entire place with our smiles. Tears formed in our eyes as we hugged, telling them how much we still think and talk of them since our last meeting. We love them, as within they are good. Of the two, one particularly stands out, as the pain evident in his life story seems almost palpable. When but a young man in his 20s (he is now in his 50s), he fell in love with a woman and she with him. Last summer at a pizza shop in Harrisburg the three of us cried together as he told the story of their child. Rarely a day goes by that this moment does not return. Now, even as we presently write this, tears stream down our faces. When conversing with good, kind, and decent people it becomes difficult to do without weeping.

When speaking with the employees from CYS, often we must hold tears at bay, for their suffering is too evident. The pain, the need in their eyes to break free of the system that binds and obligates them strikes us like a blow. Stephen cried at the Domestic Relations hearing, he felt so much pain coming from the hearing officer and from all those to whom he listened while waiting. The hearing officer did not want to participate in the nonsense either, but like Stephen was forced. As such, he is innocent like all employees of government/corporation are. The same as everyone else, they were born into this prison for the mind and so never had a choice. The system is a disease installed into the mind of everyone we meet. We see and feel the pain and suffering everywhere we are, in every environment whether that environment houses prince or vagabond, and that same pain and suffering is in everyone with whom we have spoken.

It is in the many wearing three-piece suits entering the Harrisburg capitol with frowns upon their faces, dreading another day of politics. For them, too, we cry, as they were also born into this muck. So enraptured by the system, very few see the pain and suffering of others or even their own. And the shapes of their bodies bear testament to the pain and suffering endured.

The delusion of a ball of a feces covered in color to fool the mind exists, too, in the humans who must bear the persona of police, schoolteacher, or veteran. All these innocent humans suffer immensely under the oppression and depression caused by compulsory acceptance of the system. Even looking into baleful eyes of the homeless veterans to us can be unbearable. These individuals are not only in severe pain, but we have seen and heard on way to many occasions others demand of them to get a job. This is a preposterous claim (and those who make them know not what they do, as they too, suffer quietly behind a mask) as most of the homeless vets we met have severe mental and physical problems and receive very little help from the system that abused them for war then left them to die on the streets of their hometowns, alone, disavowed and abandoned by that same system.

Many good times, too, we had this past year. We encountered so many good, compassionate and loving people who dedicated their lives to ending pain and suffering. We shared many wonderful and uplifting conversations eating with the homeless in soup kitchens. A special place in our hearts still we reserve for them. They are among the meek and downtrodden and we love them with all our heart and cherish what we shared together.

We love existing, we love seeing beauty inherent in humans and in the world, as we love to give and receive love for others. The system abhors such attributes and makes war else, it dies, so death and disease become its only fruit. We choose not to consume, partake or eat this spoilt fruit.

For what does Civil and Socialized Culture request? The trading of comfort for insurance, sincerity for promise, genuineness for polity, security for exposure and so out of spiritual bitterness humans embark upon war for peace. Should we believe in the self-esteem this opulent dirt promised us why then should we esteem ourselves so lowly? Because the system attempted to instruct, grade, and engineer us to believe that we have no choice but to accept the shadows on the wall in place of nothing at all. All our lives we refused, realizing that we must surrender everything for nothing. We marked the deception of the system and that it makes of humans faceless enemies, to behave accordingly, chasing the promise that one day, after life, humans too can be gods.

Too easily, we could point our fingers and call upon the names of the employees trapped inside institutions (namely Children and Youth Services, Abraxas, Juvenile Probation Office, Public Defender’s Office, District Attorney’s Office, Dauphin County Judicial System, etc.) who have tried along with us to help Constance because she was raped repeatedly when she was 10 and 11 years old. Out of what must be unimaginable pain for any child to bear, she sought the blankness of drugs to stop it (we have been trying to help her and trying to find care for her, but it has been extremely difficult). And we could expose vulnerable each of these institutionalized employees’ unwilling and unknowing error. Errors that otherwise would not be if policy and regulation did not tie their hands and warp their brains, preying on their fear of losing all they have already invested.  Unknowing and innocent actors them all in the Theatre of Absurd produced by the system, and rightfully are forgiven.

Shall we, instead, expose a mere three from the many too many examples of insanity and absurdity that we have endured over the past five months?

  • (1) Soon after Constance’s custody placement with Dauphin County Children and Youth Services, Stephen received a suit for child support from CYS. Told by the employees they had no choice but to sue him though they knew he was not required to pay (even if he wanted to).  Because an SSI recipient (the system branded Stephen disabled, however, he is not) by the system’s own law CYS cannot sue an SSI recipient for child support. Despite this supposedly unformidable law, Domestic Relations required him to once again appear. Most disturbing about this fiasco is that this has occurred to Stephen other times, once before at domestic relations, once before a court of common pleas judge and once before the superior court.  Furthermore, Stephen appeared at Domestic Relations under threat of imprisonment should he not volunteer, despite all parties involved having full knowledge that the whole charade was a farce. At the hearing, Stephen offered to pay support, but the hearing officer dismissed the case and told Stephen he could not pay, as it was against the law. Such blatant insanity caused his mind to shatter, the absurdities and insanities swirling around the child support became too much for his mind to handle. He cried and screamed daily from the pain.
  • (2) In early March, after Constance’s admittance to Abraxas Dawn received by mail confidential information regarding a different adolescent at Abraxas. The address and name on the envelope were Dawn’s, but inside the envelope lay a personal letter to another mother regarding information about whose son was enrolled in a different dorm at Abraxas
  • At that time, Dawn had not received any information regarding    Constance, such as the Family Packet that was supposed to have been received within the first week following her admittance. The aforementioned mistaken information was not received by Dawn until at least 3 weeks following Constance’s admission. Also, Abraxas was to have contacted Dawn within the first 72 hours of Constance’s admission and the aforementioned mistaken information was the first contact Dawn received from Abraxas.
  • When Dawn and Stephen notified several employees at Abraxas of this mistake, they were told to shred the information, dispose of the information and return to sender. All three illegal according to the rules of the system. Shocked and stunned, this caused us many sleepless nights, pacing and crying. We wondered, “Why would they do this to us?” We cannot engage in such atrocities for our minds shatter. After much deliberation and turmoil, we realized that the reason why those employees told us to commit illegal acts is their sheer panic. The system does not allow mistakes or errors as such acts expose raw its inconsistency, and when exposed, it must reach out and strike any who dare to mistake. Out of fear and sheer terror of retribution from the system, the employees told us to commit what they did not know where illegal acts, and they did not know what else to do other than hide their mistake. We still possess the documents; we do not know what else to do with them.
  • (3) At two separate family engagement meetings we shared with several CYS employees whom have been wonderful throughout this ordeal, we were told that nothing could truly be determined about Constance’s actual behavior and mental state until she has been completely clean of drugs (including prescription drugs). Elsewise, what damage, if any, Constance has suffered under her high and extreme drug abuse/addictions cannot be known. From the first meeting, it was insisted that Constance must be completely clean of drugs before a required and much needed psychiatric evaluation can be performed or a required MRI scan prescribed to determine any long lasting or short-term neurological damage.  We have the documents from the meetings. We are greatly concerned as August 2012 Constance’s brain was bleeding.
  • As such, we have been under the impression that Constance has not been on any medication whatsoever since admitted to Abraxas. May 9, 2013,  we received in the mail an update from Abraxas, wherein it stated that Constance was not only prescribed Klonopin (a prescription drug she has previously abused), but also prescribed 5 other medicines (Bentyl, Effexor XR, Clonidine, Vistaril, and Naproxen. Klonopin is only the newest medication Constance has been prescribed). This was alarming, as immediately we wondered whether Constance was truly becoming well at Abraxas if she continues to be supported by addictive substances, allowing her to remain in an old, habitual mind state, that of the drug addict. We were under the impression that her treatment at Abraxas would include her working on this addiction and addictive behavior. The answer to this question will indubitably resolve this matter, and present other worries, such as why is Constance prescribed medication despite previous concerns regarding her brain chemistry and her personality behaviors off all medications?
  • As of the writing of this letter, Constance remains on these medications, and has not yet received a psychiatric evaluation or an MRI. Is it not obvious that the system will be cause of Constances’ demise? As this would be unbearable for Stephen’s mind to handle, suicide seemed the only solution.
  • In March 2013, after we embarked upon this rescue for Constance, it was obvious to us then that the people working for CYS were doing all they could, and that their intentions were good as they themselves are good. Stephen wrote a letter thanking them, as we must acknowledge that their help, perhaps misguided and hindered by the system’s rules, was genuine and sincere.

You see, the system creates out of kindness, crime; creates out of care, crime; out of generosity, crime; out of divers ways, crime. The system has taught humans to be judgers, as if also imbibed with the eye of god, so humans join organizations considered prideful to hold office, to possess title, to warrant promotion, to protest dissatisfaction, but that is the deception. Instead, humans continue to march on, a wave of faces, lockstep, syncopated unto the nucleic explosion, in the canyon of fire and the pit of disease and forces one to feel privileged. Humans wish “Father” were so gentle. We are not criminals…the ‘God’ is.

And whose art thou god?

A man ensconced in a lab quote, a mental drag queen, a cosmic transgender. God (the system) as the offspring of Man, a mere description of an external logos, the effect of alchemy, the transformation of wave to thought and the crossing of the threshold between the fabrics of reality and of fiction. The system turns thought into gold, and commoditizes it, transforms will to manifestation and manifestation to control. That is the process of the machine of the system; that is its heart, its inner workings, its organs, its central nervous system.

We have never believed; we have never bowed at the foundation of the system called SOCIAL LIFE.

Now again it has brought us to the foot of its stage at the base of its pulpit and demand that we bow and kiss its ring. To this, we have always and will always deem NO. Under such negation, redemption not required. You see, the system makes request of redemption, it promises forgiveness of sins (debts, failures, secrets, hidden shames, guilts, fetishes, perversions, social proclivities unmentioned, etc.) in exchange for the spirit.

See no one is at fault, only the system is faulty.

Rid the system and all is forgiven, this is the impetuous behind a paradigm shift (these are not thoughts of ours, this is not a utopia, this is sold on TV, this is not a viral video, this is not ego unleashed power, because there is none). This is not self-destruction, for we believe in no self. There are no lines; we bring it all with us. We see and let be. We do not judge according to some label we do not understand. We do not war for we will to peace. The infamous concept: You be you, I am I and we are we together is not a conformity, but an agreement to live together, to coexist without deception. This is talk of health and well-being and fitness. We offer no solutions to society’s finite problems nor do we have any, for infinity will solve that as a hurricane can clean an intoxicated stream and a tempest (paradigm shift) can clean an intoxicated mind, spirit and consciousness. Will there be death, of course, but is death to be mourned, not necessary. Will there be life, of course but is life to be celebrated, not necessary. We speak only of the winter of Man swinging slowly into the spring of Consciousness.

This is not the unleashing of our egos (for we have none and refused the Social Construct the system tried and failed to ordain within us), but a yawp of vitality, from the inspiration of invigoration and the flash of quickening.

We ride the wave of a paradigm shift, and it is the wave of now.

When the system accuses and you defend, Crazy, Traitor, Insurgent, Freedom Fighter becomes the label affixed. Forcing a logical conclusion to defend not, like a magician forces an ace of spades in sleight of hand. But unlike the magician, the system lies and calls it misdirection. Defenders only respond when attacked and the system attempts to make of humans perpetrator and it the victim. We do not succumb. Instead, we offend the system. When the system makes accusation, we reject conviction—the convincing of the system to buy its lies and promises—and contradiction for question. One must ask: How can you be, dear system, when punishment masquerades as promise? How can you be, good system, when you war forgiveness? How can you be, king system, when you know not? How can you be, lord system, when you pretend reality? We must not contradict the system, for that is its death. Destroy it instead with infinity and uncertainty and the unknown; exterminate it with an onslaught of revelation. Call it every name it has ever promised broken. If the system demands one, then give it ALL for the system depends on the finitude required to breathe life into its otherwise inert form. The system survives on the energy of human beings in lockstep syncopation (supplanting natural synchronicity) to power its mechanical heart.

As we will not wear the costumes society has chosen, we will not be made to carry the responsibility of a sisyphusean stage show. Should we act as if we cannot see the projector or the seams in the movie strip? Should we behave as if we find systemic Schrödinger conundrums incomprehensible? Systematized heavenly fathers atomized to the point of instability can no longer stand firm and formidable upon its decomposed stage. Why would any director of such a show expect different from any unmasked performer? One must accept that one does not determine the next time around, so why should one pretend as if one controls the show then wrestle it into stasis that one can marvel at one’s perpetual ignorance as the system makes of any human capitalized?

Apologies, but such abhorrent attempts at absurdity render us insane and beget war with every aspiration. We have a life together, spending every waking moment in the presence of one another; and this system and its minions have ripped that from us. In the guise of employee, the system has stolen our sanity and tried to make us swallow its poison, to replace our minds with the stench of stagnation and pomp. Well, no more.

We would rather continue unblemished by the contracts of the system’s worn and weary wares, and so we reject the care of utility and convenience.

Are we to assume the creature persona laid before us by creators of this Mental Prison (for the form of the system exists as hallucination in the minds of Humans being) masquerading as Real Life? What reality exists in a world wrapped gently in a magic carpet cast into a pit of Mindless Witness? Only a conflicted mind could call such Life normal and consider contentment while so obviously connected at the neck to a rickety plough whose destination blinks oblivion like the fate of a natural shudder, as if Earth shed an insignificant slip of calloused skin. Hardened by tribulation, sharpened by sanguine secrets spilled on the bastardized streets of dirt and green, only a mind caught complicated by contradiction should willfully wander these marked and mental corridors unblemished by misery, so stupefied one must be by the electric glow illuminating fragmented dreams.

Thank you, but for the sake of sanity, health, congruency and well-being, we shall have none.

We speak softly as we tread softly upon the earth. What weapon exists in the absence of conflict? What conflict exists if there are no lines in the sand? No borders separating you from them? No invisible ceiling lined with glass value, no hierarchy, and no authority? To whom then would all this energy be owed?

We only say we do not wish to join this perpetual whirlwind in the mind (the system) for we find it poisonous, an intoxicant. We know it does no thing more than mars the elegant landscape describing existence and turns ugly the inherent beauty in life.

We forgive everyone for every heinous act done in the name of the system, because no one knew he was actor in this ridiculous play, as none knew the system’s deceit upon them and all they pummeled from fear of retribution. See, the system fashions not many personas or many masks (say one for each of us), no; it fashions one mask, one face, and one persona, that of its own reflection. Then upon each real face born into its sordid and tumultuous society (rather than environment, the difference is evident, one natural and the other manufactured to house standards and means, the rules of the game) sews this mask. Conditioned to believe that what education teaches as identification is really what our eyes see, so one looks into the mirror and sees not one’s true face wrangled into a scream of pain insufferable but the mask of emotionless, routinized, robotified expression of placidity and docility. Confused and afraid, adults are made to feed every child (there is no ownership, every child is as precious as the other is, every human as necessary as the other is) the same horrifying slip of existence. Then are forced to call atrocity humanity, to call rudeness brotherly love, to call a violent pit fraternity and call the will to power good will towards men. The system says one thing is another, as it slaps a mask upon your face and calls it your own face. These are its lingering lies, the depths of its deceits, and the core of its contradictions.

The system is a sham, a lie, a mark of the most violate upon our minds. Unable to resist, so many humans surrender to the banshee siren of the system and kill within the light of their humanness, of their innocence, being and love because they were fooled into believing that the system (oh, you wanton monstrosity) would forgive them their daily transgressions if but they only paid and prayed for it. Instead, humans must labor ones’ very lives to the grind, wearing the system’s uniform, feeling safer in conformity. In the name of the system’s so-called protection, earthlings have torn apart our neighborhoods, our families, our lives and our very minds for lamb’s blood. But we are not to blame, the system is.

The system-created ego whispers like the dark voices of a schizophrenic in one’s ear imaginative fears of losing mortgaged house, indebted car, or dead end mundane job and trade it for a dream of a crumb. Rather, we should let those bills expire like the system takes the elderly (the supposed wisest of us all) and warehouses them until their expiration date. Rather, we should let money expire like the system synthesizes food (our very sustenance) for expire forcing everyone to buy more and into dependency upon its disgusting lies for doubt that nothing else can be done (and if it were that would mean being alone, another lie). The aforementioned mortgaged house, indebted car, and dead end job are not problems like the system wants you to believe, the system is maker and creator of fabricated problems that take a lifetime to solve, which is your slavery, your drudgery. The system has engulfed all inhabitants of Earth.

Should we not let the system expire instead? Should we not let go the idol and never look back?

Only then can we share in the happiest moments of our lives.