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Love, Empathy and Compassion

By Stephen Ames

 

I am no one special. I am not smart. I was diagnosed mentally retarded when I was 13. I have also been diagnosed with Schizophrenia, Schizoaffective Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Bipolar Disorder and Attention Deficit Disorder. I have also been labeled a terrorist and a criminal. That sure is a lot of contradictions, but they aren’t mine.

When I was a child, I was also strapped down to a table with wires glued to my head. Everyone couldn’t figure out why I wouldn’t do school work so I was sent off to the Geisinger Medical Center in Danville Pennsylvania for  tests.  After that, I was placed in Special Ed.

I spent 3 years in Special Education coloring, drawing, and counting change until I dropped out of school. I just never could do schoolwork, I thought it was absurd. I don’t have any letters after my name, I haven’t attended and/or graduated from any prestigious schools, I haven’t even dropped out of any prestigious schools demonstrating my self-motivation and non-conformity. I don’t have a degree that automatically makes whatever I attach my name to an instant voice of veracity.

When I was in my early 20s, I barely escaped a lobotomy. They said a lobotomy could cure me. This was from a well-meaning Psychiatrist in Northumberland County, Pennsylvania. He knew I was in severe mental pain, but he didn’t know what to do about it.

I’ve been surrounded by S.W.A.T 2 times. I’ve played cards with serial killers and mass murderers during my 3 stays at Mayview State Hospital a maximum security forensic hospital.  I’ve had to go months without bathing, brushing my teeth, or shaving while in the hole in Dauphin County Prison. My teeth rotted, just like the clothes I wore.  Living in and never leaving a 4×8, room for a few months brings on higher states of consciousness—so it was a good thing.  Also in prison, I was stripped naked, handcuffed behind my back and strapped in a chair for days at a time. It’s not much fun sitting in your own excrement and urine, but the pain and suffering make for a wonderful teacher. It gave me a deeper understanding of torture. The people who commit acts of torture are more afraid than those that they torture and they don’t know what they are doing..

The most horrific experience of my life was when the love of my life was killed. She was struck by a car. The last time I saw her, she was lying in the middle of the road. She was unconscious with blood coming out of her open eyes, nose and mouth. It was the final time that I would ever see her. She is the first thing I think about when I awaken in the morning It has been almost five years since she has been gone. We were together for 14 years.  I still have flashbacks and I don’t think the pain will ever go away. I will have to live with the pain for the rest of my life, but I must go on. I experienced a love with her that few have ever experienced.

Knowing all of this may make you into an automatic skeptic, which is fine, but it does more for me. It makes me free to say and do whatever I want.  And what is it that I do and want? I want to share my experiences with others, ease their pain and suffering. Why?  Because I empathize with, have compassion for, love for everyone.  I have tried, oh, believe me, I have tried not to empathize, have compassion and love for others, but it is something I just can’t turn off. People may consider me an enemy, but I never can be. I just can’t hate.

Because I am not confined by letters after my name, a piece of paper certifying my pedigree, any school, business or institution that pays my bills to disappoint or offend, no will whatsoever to uphold my good name. I am neither obligated nor bound to carry out the will of someone else. I realize that pain and suffering are a gift, not a curse. What could be freer than that?

I’ve always been free, because I’ve never been broken. I can’t break, I can’t change, so there is no escape. It is not will or defiance. I can’t do things that I consider wrong or absurd, believe me I have tried.  I can’t give up my freedom, believe me I have tried. The very thought of stealing, lying, cheating, or being deceptive or doing something absurd causes my mind to schism, my heart to race and the sweat pours out of me, it drives me insane. I have always been like this and it has caused me to go through what many consider terrible situations.

I’ve never wanted to be or trade places with anyone else. I’ve been fortunate to see and experience things that most people only read about. I got to experience all of this not by hurting anyone, stealing, lying , etc., no, these events all happened because I couldn’t do what I was told to do. I couldn’t be a slave. Pain and suffering are a gift…probably the greatest gift one could receive.

Pain and suffering can teach one to have empathy, compassion and love for everyone, including those who have committed wrongs against you.  So, if you’re in pain and suffering, it may not seem like it at the moment but, you are surely blessed.

 

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“Because and For”

By Michael Dayne Ames

The ego is the driving force which preserves primal desire and pushes survival instinct. Clinging to the ego isn’t the issue, one may not do such without loss of preservation.

“For”  still implies intent. ‘because’ does as well, but implies blame. I work BECAUSE, I play BECAUSE, I go to my daughters ballet recidles BECAUSE. And the blame always relates to the self. Self doesn’t have to mean the I either, self can be a metaphor. regardless, when you do things ‘for’, you step out of the framework of blame, and into one of purpose. instead of“I”  work because my family will lose my home otherwise’, it becomes  “I” work for a better life with my family’

The core of our being is purpose. Without it we have not a will to be. This is consequentially what drives most to psychosis and then suicide truly. You cannot escape purpose. even non-purpose-ness  has its purpose to create contrast. Without contrast we may find no reason, without reason purpose, without purpose will. Without will, there is then no life.

I’m Moving back into the Forest

I’m moving back into the forest…this time I’m staying It is my home. No more roles, rules, cascading systems, social platitudes, social conventions, cell phones, false dichotomies, fallacies, double binds, delusions, illusions, planning, paperwork, forms, bureaucracies, etc. I’m completely unplugging from everything. I want to live in the present again–your scientifically manged society doesn’t allow for that. Nicole and I lived together, in the present, in the forest, in Love. I understand why and how people go about things in your scientifically managed society–I just think it’s absurd, imbecilic and asinine, and so did Nicole. We didn’t have the ability to engage in your society’s absurdities, so we moved into the forest. We lived in the forest to get away from your society. I see your society as a tragic comedy that was written by Kafka. The pain and suffering your society causes, boggles my mind and drives me to insanity. The weird part is how the masses ask for more, but I don’t blame the masses for all of the above, because they know not what they do. Most of the people in your society are unconscious and have no awareness, yet they’re held accountable for their actions?!?!?! They think in a linear fashion, it’s more binary than anything else. Indoctrination and propaganda from cradle to grave. In all of my observations and research, your society is the by far the most ill in recorded history and that is truly sad.

I’m Ready To Die

I’m not attempting to be morbid, but I’m ready to die. I’m not suicidal–I’m actually content. Why? I’ve lived a full life. I will miss and love Nicole for the rest of my days–that I can’t change. I don’t have any desires, goals, etc., Everything I need to live fits in my backpack. I don’t want nor do I have an automobile, television, house, apartment, etc. I don’t really even need money. There is nothing I want–well sometimes I want it to be quiet. Don’t get me wrong, there are experiences I enjoy immensely–like walking in the forest, spending time with friends and family or researching. There are a lot of people in my life who I love dearly. I’ve lived what seems like many, many lives to me in my 47 years. I can’t believe how many people came in and out of my life–I am grateful for them all–even all of the federal and state agents. Nicole was really excited and laughing when we were surrounded with all those guns pointed at us back in 2001. To me that is a wonderful memory. I’ve received more love and have been on more adventures than what seems even possible. WOW! Is all I can say. I feel gratitude with every breath I take, because I was blessed and able to become One with Nicole and Nature. Oneness is going to change the world. After you experience Oneness–you know that nothing else matters but Love. I’m posting a link to mine and Nicole’s Blog. The title of the post can be misleading–the post is about Oneness and Love more than anything else. https://exploringthelateral.wordpress.com/2013/07/31/the-thermodynamics-of-sacred-sex/

The Words of Nicole Terry #1

Feel The Sun“My boyfriend (who I’ve been with for 14 years) and I spent about 9 months living outside in the forest and I have learnt and gained a wisdom from this kind of living/experience that I shall draw from for the rest of my life. We slept on the ground, watched the daily runs of the animals each day, we slipped gently into sleep each night beneath a starscape, conversing on consciousness and what it meant to be alive as a conscious human being. We professed dreams and lived them; we undertook a journey of mental acuity and adeptness, while learning the potential aptitudes inherent in humanity.”~Nicole Terry 9/29/1973–10/21/2013

Nicole’s Passing

Nicole passed away on October 21, 2013. I don’t have the energy to write much at this time. She is all I think about. We were together for 14 years. I have embedded a video Nicole created about her and I. I have also posted some photos of her. Also included are a few links of some of our videos, writings, photography, etc. I love and miss her more than I could ever explain in words.

Links:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/exploringthelateral/

http://forfreepsychology.wordpress.com/author/nikotheorb/

http://nikotheorb.wordpress.com/

http://www.youtube.com/user/NIKOtheOrb

Butterfly2012-05-06 0052012-05-28 018SanctaSanctorum (4)

Feel The SunMeditative

The 21st Century Ego

If one knows one is a known soldier, what is the Unknown Soldier?

fractal_stock_11912_by_dsynegrafix-d4mvemoIn this scientifically managed construct of a society and current (albeit outgoing) culture, one must constantly fight against those who believe and perceive (because of that belief, so does belief predetermine perception?) that “I” am what “I” am not. So, who is really fighting the war? Who are the real soldiers? Who are the real generals?

All of us. None of us. For “We” assumes the roles of symbols in attempt to hide from the eye of whom we perceive and believe to be god (i.e., this systematized and sick society; one needs only to view the news or look around at the state of humanity). We clothe ourselves in the fig leaves of 21st century living, hoping that no one will notice we are nothing but little kids who have soiled our diapers and are crying for the parent to clean our bottoms. No, thank you, general, we should say; I will not play your game as there can only be losers. And I do not want to win.

One cannot prove or disprove an existence of I beyond an arbitrary point of reference. Why must there be more?

fractal_stock_02072012_by_dsynegrafix-d4oyh68Are we so afraid of honesty, transparency, and radical openness that we are surprised when we encounter it? Once, years ago, a news reporter approached me (during the time of Cardinal Law’s selection as pope) and she wanted to know my thoughts on the matter. I informed her that I had not really been keeping abreast of the matter so I could not offer any thoughts on it, which was the truth. The only knowledge of the new pope I had were headlines I had seen passing by or some snippet of a headline while surfing the internet. She actually seemed startled and said, “OH! Well, thank you for being honest with me.” She was surprised to hear honesty. How strange is that? The socially-constructed ego which lies teaches the created person (persona, personality) to be invisible as not to suffer under its own perceptions of the unfolding universe. Thus, ‘I am sorry I do not exist’ becomes the mantra of the socially constructed ego.

We must realize that no one can be friend or enemy under such guise, that everybody lies when delivering his or her version of that kind of existence. We are all electrons peering at our reflections, wondering why we keep bumping our heads. What we do not realize is the reflection is as much an illusion as the electron. And that is not our reflection because, ultimately, we, too, are an illusion and the symbol is the reflection. In the guise of the ego, symbols are confused for actuality.

So, what are the effects of a civilization borne in this bondage? And what is the impact of the offspring of those in bondage as the bonds come undone? Further, what are the effects of those born once unbound? What will be the future minds after the paradigm shift? The last I know of was the shift from unconscious to conscious. The plume of egoless awareness—“the universe begins with a thought.”

Oh, this elaborate, evolving, entangled lucid dream called Life.

Quantum_Enanglement_by_zananeichan*Image Credit (work used with permission through CC license)–
“Quantum Entanglement” by zananeichan
“Fractal Stock 11912” by DsyneGrafix
“Fractal Stock 02072012” by DsyneGrafix