Perhaps I should be pleased that living is cheaper elsewhere, but I can’t seem to muster the right amount of enthusiasm because I am not enthused. I don’t want to move back into a little box, paying a monthly rent, with neighbors and boring pleasantries; and, yes, I do comprehend that none of this may be real but knowing that does not make the daily grind any easier. It makes it much more difficult. You see because I do not want to talk to the automatons, I don’t want to see them or be effected by them or have them intrude upon me or invade me. I want willfully to ignore them. I don’t even want to see them, hear from them, know that they are around. So, when I must encounter one (and every encounter is a disaster, no encounter is worth the trouble caused) I am angry, repulsed, and disgusted. I want simply to walk away, to cleanse my presence of them, to exorcise this persona dramatis from the environment. And it seems that every avenue taken leads to their lair.
You see, what I want is Quiet. Ceaseless quiet. And the smell of the woods, the smell of cleanliness without their stink and the stench of industry, the repugnance of their carnival zoo. You see, I want to live as an animal, and not as a beast. I want to be Homo Sapiens Sapiens, not Homo Technicus. I want to be unplugged and it seems that I am ever drawn towards living in their world and dealing with them because my mind can grasp abstractions. What a lie! What a shitty deal. To know that you and all else are not real (only realized, see there is a difference. What is real is realized. What has been called Reality is but a realization in the mind, not just manifestation of consciousness—the word manifestation is taken from the same root as manipulation, and is comprised of 2 words, ‘manus-‘ and ‘-festation.’ Its meaning is more like a virus than a thought—but its imagination). Closer to the concept of the biblical god in genesis (oh, so aptly titled)) and yet subject to the same whims of the unwilling and their Gapetto. To know and see the wizards behind the curtain, yet still subject to the wizard’s follies simply because his puppets outnumber you. Oh, the masses. The Horrid, horrible masses. How I loathe them. I didn’t use to. Only in the past five months has this loathing developed. Only since I removed from a little box and the calendar cycle have I seen how horrible are the masses. Oh, how my loathing evolves with each encounter. Lest I am mistaken, I don’t hate them for I do not suffer them. I am no martyr to their monstrosities, but I stand witness, and deem thee pineal mutants. Amen.
Maybe I have spoken too soon (although no less true) perhaps there is redemption in the form of the law. Ah, the law. How strange in the way it works, more like philosophy and physics than any other concept I’ve noticed in that realm. More like woven spells than any other abstraction. I do Love the law, and I Respect it. Although not its Authority (and that it has many) for its ultimate authority, Consciousness, I too Possess (perhaps that is why I can see). I Respect its efficacy, how it works, how it can be used in Oz, or The Matrix. The Matrix is not a bad analogy, for Oz is very much like a grid; at least, that is often how it appears to me. A grid. A multi-dimensional grid in infinite directions. It’s why I always see tangents, parallels, and perpendiculars; how tessellations are made, and surprises happen. How one can hide in plain sight, and where divinity reigns. So strange, so strange. I never want to go back. Back is like devolving. I have been there and have overcome. I have passed through that gauntlet, and survived to exit the other side, mastered the maze and claimed the prize. To return to little boxes is like rerunning the maze, surrendering the prize; like choosing insanity, like wallowing in madness. Is that not suicide?
“The law of the wise is the fountain of life.” ~Proverbs 13:14
We are into our second month of what we call ‘exploring the lateral’ and/or seeing what we can see. We usually sleep in the forest, without a tent; actually with no shelter at all save our sleeping bags. Before we set out a couple of months ago, we either threw away or gave away all our possessions save what fits in our backpacks, a few boxes of papers, and some photos (the boxes and photos are in storage). Some say we are intentionally homeless, but we consider the Earth our home. When we set out we had no plans, we didn’t know where we were going or what we were going to do, we just started walking. And walk we did, almost 600 miles so far! It was quite difficult at first what with the freezing weather and rain, but in only a couple weeks, our bodies adjusted. Actually, our bodies have changed drastically. We were both in excellent physical shape before we left. We usually hiked 50-60 miles a week and lifted weights, but those activities cannot compare to carrying 75 and 45 pound backpacks 20 miles a day. Our bodies are more muscular and lean than any other period in our lives. Our senses are much more acute, as is our mental clarity. For the first time in our lives, we feel truly alive. We usually awaken at sunrise to the sound of hundreds of birds singing, and at night, the deer walk within three feet of us. The bucks are highly protective of the does and when they come near us they snort and stomp their feet. We have lost the ability to keep track of time; the days are no longer segmented and all run together. We really have no need for clocks or calendars anymore; we are usually in the moment. We have no plans or goals. Winning, losing, failing and succeeding do not apply. We don’t know what’s going to happen to us or around us, every day is a complete unknown. We live mostly in the right now, and as far as we can tell, it is the only thing that allows us to be sane. We are both former long-term State Hospital patients. Both of us are diagnosed schizoaffective disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder, but when we are in the forest surrounded by trees, birds and animals all the symptoms just fade away. When we enter a city, however, all the symptoms come rushing back. The smells, sounds etc. of a city cause us to become psychotic, as do the absurdity of bureaucracies, governments and various other social constructions. We are not really anti-civilization, though, we simply cannot live in it. Mathematics, Physics and Philosophy are three of our favorite subjects that we discuss at length daily and every night before we drift off to sleep; these subjects are usually researched and studied at institutions of higher learning, and institutions of higher learning are found primarily in civilization, so we are not anti-civilization, we just cannot exist in civilization. Although, walking through small towns doesn’t seem to bring on states of psychosis like the city.
We have spent the last several years avoiding people. We only went to appointments, hiking in the woods and grocery shopping but we have talked to more people the past two months than the last 10 years. We have met many kinds of people on our journey: some wonderful, generous, cheerful, and happy people. But we have also met a few obstreperous individuals, who feel trapped in jobs and situations that they hate. Even though they make us angry and can even cause us to become psychotic when they lie or attempt to harm us, once we come to our senses we feel sorry for them and hope they too can find peace.
We are doing this blog so we can share our experiences with others that they too can see what we see.